WHAT HOME MEANS TO ME
Where I can take up space
When I was a little girl and sharing a bedroom with my two sisters, I loved to design and decorate my corner of our room. I’d rearrange small decorative objects on the bookshelf or the doll furniture that was on display and then call my mom and enthusiastically show her the “huge” change I had made. Ta da! And when I ventured to other friends’ houses, I was interested in the ways their rooms were designed. I remember one of my friends who lived down the street had a gallery wall of wallpaper samples and a papasan chair that I envied. From a young age, I was reading the design magazines that were on the coffee tables in my parents’ and grandparents’ homes and taking a mental note of designs for my dream space.
The homes I grew up in were thoughtfully curated and highly valued. My family is a family of homebodies and we cherish the time we spent at home. The feeling goes back generations. It would seem that there should be no surprise in the fact that I, now as a grown adult, have a high value for home and a constant interest in cultivating, curating and creating it.
But it has surprised me because my feelings about home are visceral. When I think of home and what it means to me, my chest feels like it tightens and there’s a pit in my stomach and I feel an overwhelming amount of emotion. Is it normal to have such deep emotions about a place? Do you feel that way about your home too?
The value of home has been discussed by social scientists, psychologists, artists, philosophers and even ancient Greek poets — like Homer, who’s entire “Odyssey” is about a man journeying home. It’s generally agreed upon that home is more than shelter and it doesn’t have to be a house. It can be a feeling, a person, a place, or an experience. No matter how you understand home, most people have experienced the feeling of longing for home.
I’ve been trying to explain for myself what home means to me and I landed on this: home is the place where I fit. I feel secure. Who I am makes sense at home. Home is part of my identity, a piece in the puzzle of my concept of self. It’s an extension of me. When I tend to my home I am, in a way, tending to myself. When I walk through my front door, I breathe a sigh of relief and feel settled. There’s room for me here to be my unbridled self. I can dance in the kitchen, be grouchy in the morning, snuggle up in bed at 8 p.m. and raid the candy jar when I have writer’s block and need a distraction. Unlike other places, those decisions aren’t filtered through what is expected or acceptable or preferable or advised.
As someone who is learning to take up more space in the world (and do it without fear), home is where I practice moving a little more freely.
There’s space for me here.
(A photo of my childhood bedroom circa 2011.)
BENEFICIARY OF VERY GOOD TASTE
Everything I have I owe to someone else
I am the beneficiary of Very Good Taste. My house is full of really wonderful hand-me-downs, passed down to me from my great-grandmother, grandmother and mother. There’s a dresser in my bedroom that was at my great-grandparents’ farm, a couch in my living room that my grandmother brought home from Europe and I mentioned last week that much of my collection of blue-and-white dishes came from my great-grandmother. I’m lucky that my house is full of items that have some personal meaning.
I think there’s a key to creating a house that feels like home in this concept of passing things along. Yes, you could buy a new couch from Target every handful of years when you move to a new place, but it won’t outlast you and be passed on to your loved ones. Curating a home with pieces that you love — furniture, art, dishes, knick-knacks, etc. — and that are of high quality takes time and a commitment to longevity. It’s easier to purchase a bed frame from IKEA that you’ll toss out later on than to save up and search for a bed frame that you’ll have for years to come. But taking your time and choosing something that will last is much more rewarding.
Here are a few ways to put it into practice:
Live with an empty space instead of rushing to fill it with something temporary.
Buy vintage and antique furniture where possible (do your research on brands). Have the cushions refilled and recovered. The frames on vintage and antique furniture are sturdier than most that you can find at a big-box store.
If you are renting or moving frequently, don’t invest in things that might be difficult to fit in a new space (like an eight-person dining table or an armoire). Spend this time choosing art and decorative objects that you love and can easily transport. Remember, you’re playing the long game — little by little you’ll fill your house with items that feel meaningful and personal.
Read up on design, even luxury design, so you can train your eye to see quality pieces. (This is my favorite design publication.) Identify the styles and themes that you are most drawn to.
Don’t buy any type of seating without testing it first. I made this mistake once. It’s the worst.
When in doubt about a purchase, sleep on it.
Mix high and low and don’t disdain homemade items. Frame your own artwork (or your kids’ art), paint a sturdy cabinet you found for cheap at a resale shop and display them proudly next to your investment couch or luxe bed.
(A painting my husband made in a college art class next to my “Marie Antoinette” lamps sourced at an antique store on top of a table passed down from my great-grandmother set beside a new couch I saved my pennies up to purchase)
ENTERTAINING
I’ve been hooked on this TV show lately
I laughed out loud so many times while reading Mindy Kaling’s memoirs (one, two and her series of essays) toward the end of last year and so it is no surprise that I’m really enjoying her TV show “The Mindy Project.” The show ran for six seasons a few years ago, but it’s been on my list to watch for a few months. Lo and behold, Netflix added it at the beginning of the year — a sign indeed!
Something Kaling discusses in her memoirs is the love she has for romantic comedies and those cheesy-but-perfect “meet cute” moments. You’ll see things like that play out in the show. It’s lighthearted, funny and somehow relatable, even though I have absolutely nothing in common with the main character. The story is about Dr. Mindy Lahiri, an OBGYN living in New York City (played by Kaling, if that wasn’t obvious) and her mostly failed attempts at finding love. If you’re looking for something funny to watch to beat the winter blues, this is a good one.
PERSONALITY
Adding charm and humor to your home
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My favorite homes are ones with personal details and surprising elements, whether that’s when a space creatively designed to fit a person’s need or a favorite color is used with gusto. But you can also add personality, charm and even humor to your home in smaller ways through decorative items. And no, you don’t need any “live, laugh, love” posters or a leg lamp in the style of “A Christmas Story” to do it.
Here’s an example: this could be incredibly immature of me, but I think gourd lamps are hilarious (see the red one below). I don’t have any, yet, but I’d love to add a set to our bedside tables one day because I can’t get over the hysterical shape.
I think the key to adding charm and humor is to find what delights you.
Scroll down for a few design ideas packed with personality.
1. Jumbow Handle, $130, Beata Heuman. 2. Vintage Movie Poster, $946, 1stDibs. 3. Equestrian Print, $204, Caitlin Wilson. 4. Handmade, $57, Scallop Lampshade. 5. “Please leave by 9” Napkin, $32, Etsy. 6. 1950s Vintage Tub Chair Chintz, $1,425, Chairish. 7. Gems Tray, $80, John Derain Company. 8. Calabash Lamp - Venetian Red, $275, Oka.
GOOD CHOICE
My favorite cookbooks (and two recipes to try)
I cook a recipe from one of Sarah Copeland’s books at least once a week but usually more often than that. Her recipes meet my hopes for comforting, flavorful meals that are full of fresh vegetables and fruits. You’ll get hearty sauces, comforting stews, delicious pasta dishes and so on, but not recipes that require an overwhelming amount of complexity. And even more helpful: she always offers alternative ingredients, so if you need to swap out gluten or dairy or you want to make a variation of a recipe, you can do just that.
I have her book of Instant Pot recipes and her standard cookbook, “Everyday is Saturday.” We make the coconut salmon and shrimp curry recipes in the pressure cooker almost every week in the winter and the one-pot summer pasta (recipe online here) is my ultimate comfort meal and has been for years now. Right before I sat down to write this newsletter, I took this cranberry-almond cake out of the oven and set it on the counter to cool. Big fan!
NEXT WEEK
Entertaining, hosting and how to get strangers to talk to each other
In next week’s edition of Choosy, we’ll talk about how to build a set of dishes, decorative objects and linens for entertaining, reflections on hosting and the key to getting strangers to talk to each other when you invite them over. If I’m being honest, I have no idea of the answer on that last one — so I’ll be doing some research. To my grandmother and mother who are reading this, expect my calls this week!
All the best,
Mary Grace