Choosy: Setting out and starting again
Thoughts on getting older, book recommendations and gift ideas for someone who needs a hobby
CHOOSING SOMETHING NEW
Thoughts on getting older
I am old enough now that I feel I have crossed the gap between the early, fluid, tumultuous stages of young adulthood into the bill-paying, responsibility-having, let’s-stay-at-home-because-it’s-quieter season of adulthood. My life decisions feel more like steps headed in a clear direction, each building on the other, than that dance around the beginning of a few paths that happens when you’re young and deciding which way you want to go. I am now halfway through my 20s — I am celebrating my birthday this week — and only this year am I starting to feel like my decisions are coming together to reveal what I value most in life.
I think, when you’re young, you make the best decisions you know how to make at that time, not necessarily the ones that are consistent with a life theme or a value system. Now, my decisions have a theme or a pattern. They are coming together to build what is The Life I Have Chosen.
One realization that has come with age and feels significant is this: you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. This had not occurred to me until recently. Of course, the principle of choice is obvious — a “yes” to one thing is always a “no” to something else. But when have we ever had so many choices and such access to opportunity than in this era? Have a smartphone? Yes? Then the world is your oyster! It’s overwhelming, exhilarating and exhausting at once.
It makes me feel like a squirrel.
I am laughing as I write this because it is just so accurate a description of what my mental state has been in these early adulthood years. I’ve felt like I’m carrying around something valuable — my life (which, for the sake of this metaphor, is the acorn) — frantically twirling it in my hands, trying to determine where to store it, where to invest it and whether I’ll be happy in the future with the place I’m choosing now.
But something changed for me in the fall this year that pushed me over the edge into a new way of thinking. I made what felt like a huge and meaningful decision to set aside a very tangible dream and goal in order to free up more space in my mind and heart. Perhaps it felt so significant because my brain is just now fully developed, or perhaps it was one of those sliding-doors sort of moments that alters the course of your life. In that choice, I feel that my values were solidified and that it was the beginning of the path that I hope I’ll follow for the rest of my life. I chose a life with more room to breathe and that decision was simple but monumental. I cannot possibly put into words the joy I have felt in the last few months since choosing to do less and be more.
I hate to be as vague as I’m being but the truth is that the decision itself isn’t what mattered (and likely won’t seem as remarkable as it felt) but instead the fact that I chose it. I did a new thing. I decided on a new outlook. I chose a new path.
So let me impart some wisdom that I now, aged mid-20-something that I am, can say with conviction and confidence. It’s my birthday and you’re obligated to listen and nod.
Your choices, both big and small, reveal what you value in life, so take note.
And, to sum it up more eloquently:
“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald
BOOKS, WONDERFUL BOOKS
Old and new books to read now
On weeknights, after work and dinner and dishes, I read. This is the first time in years that I’ve had real time for reading and it’s glorious. At 8 p.m., I lift my weighted blanked from its storage spot (getting in my exercise for the day), cozy myself into bed and open a book. As soon as I lean back against my pillows, I think: This is the life. And it is.
Here are a few book recommendations, in case you’re searching for a read:
I never got through Sally Rooney’s “Normal People” when everyone else was reading it, but I really enjoyed her other book “Beautiful World, Where Are You” when I read it a few weeks ago.
Have you read Mindy Kaling’s books and essays? If you have a Kindle, you can read some of her essays for free (as I did) and they’re clever and short and funny. I read both of her memoirs a couple of months ago, “Is Everything Hanging Out Without Me?” and “Why Not Me?” are hilarious. I laughed out loud so many times.
If you’ve never read it, try Ernest Hemingway’s "The Sun Also Rises.” It’s in my top five books.
Julie Andrews’ memoir, “Home," was lovely and “Home Work" was also wonderful. (Side note: have you heard that "The Princess Diaries 3" is in the works?)
I have read all of Liane Moriarty’s books and would read them again. This is the one that got me hooked.
Side note: I am a voracious reader, I have a small home with an already-full bookshelf and I don’t feel the need to own a copy of every book I read. I was late to the game on this, but in case you didn’t know: you can get library books on a Kindle using the Libby app. All you need is an active library card (I didn’t have one, but it took 10 minutes to get one at my local branch) and then you can send books from your phone to your Kindle in seconds. Magic!
ON FAMILY PHOTOS
Sweet but not kitschy ways to display them
My goal for the end of this year and the beginning of next is to frame more photos and find thoughtful and pleasing ways to display them throughout my home. I am not a fan of a big, glaring, shiny photo hanging singularly on the wall. I want my photos to be incorporated with my art collection.
Here are three inspirations I return to:
The late Kate Spade’s New York apartment had a gallery wall that I want to replicate. It looks carefully, slowly, thoughtfully collected over time and charmingly haphazard in some places. A gallery wall shouldn’t look too perfect, in my opinion, or it loses its charm. (Image Credit: Alec Kugler/Coveteur)
Have you seen “Anatomy of a Scandal” series on Netflix? I highly recommend for two reasons: it was an engaging story and they handled the topic at hand very well and, also … the house is beautiful. Throughout the main characters’ home, there are clusters of framed photos sitting on tabletops or on the piano. (Image Credit: Ana Cristina Blumenkron/Netflix)
In her book about her home in the Bahamas, India Hicks — the daughter of the inimitable English designer David Hicks — shares a photo of three long shelves with a ton of framed black-and-white pictures leaning against the wall. I like how it looks cohesive but, again, not too perfect. If I had the space, I’d go for it. (Photo Credit: Miguel Flores Vianna/Rizzoli)
In the meantime, there is one photo display in my home I’m happy with: I took a vintage toast rack given to me by my grandmother and stuck a set of small prints (I have ordered this set twice) throughout. On each of the prints, I wrote the story, location, or memory on the back, along with the date. I have pictures of José and I when we were dating, some from family trips to Italy and New Orleans and pictures with my friends. I like being able to flip through them and it’s easy to add to the stack. Making a photo book is daunting enough that I’ll just put it off, so this is my preferred alternative. Just pick 20 prints, order them and done. And here, I found you some toast racks: one, two and three.
THE GLORY OF THE INTERNET
Please enjoy the fruits of my distraction
Let me bless your ears with the song that was my most-listened-to in 2022, according to my Spotify Wrapped report: A 10-minute piano concerto by Rachmaninoff. What can I say? I love a classic.
Alison Kenworthy’s home tours, on her “Homeworthy” channel, are fun and casual. Here’s a Dallas home tour to get you started. The homeowner is a local designer, Javier Burkle, who I met when writing about one of the Kips Bay Decorator Show Houses in town. In his room in the show house, he used similar rich colors, blacks and earth tones in a way that felt polished and cool — as you’ll see in the way he’s decorated his personal home.
I hate when produce goes bad before I can use it, so I’m trying this method. I also have these and they work incredibly well.
A FEW MORE GIFTS
For that person who needs a hobby
Find the links to each product in the description below the images. I use an affiliate link program which means I may earn a commission if you shop the products that I share. Thanks for supporting the brands that support me!
Gifts for people who need hobbies
1. Pickleball Set, $150, Saks Fifth Avenue. 2. Marcato Pasta Machine, $82, Amazon. 3. Prada Marfa Needlepoint Set, $158, Greystone Needlepoint. 4. Journal, $25, Amazon. 5. Olivewood Bread Lame, $30, Williams-Sonoma. 6. Tartine Bread, $21, Amazon. 7. Proofing Basket, $40, Williams-Sonoma. 8. Watercolor palette, $145, Marin Montagut.
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE
Consistency is good
A few weeks ago, I drove across town to my grandparents’ house to flip through the boxes and boxes of family photos they have stored away (as part of my mission to frame more photos). My favorite photos of my childhood were the candid ones where I’m lounging in my pajamas, or my little sister is making a mud pie on the beach, or I’m playing cards with my grandfather. Those are in the to-be-framed pile, like this one below.
Thanks for reading!
All the best,
Mary Grace